


36 Degrees

by Hibibun



Category: Persona 3
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Death, Experimental, M/M, Spoilers, Unhappy Ending, Vignettes, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 18:36:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7903360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hibibun/pseuds/Hibibun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships are a tightrope walk after all the death Minato's seen. Content as he is to shut his heart away, the arrival of a new student with too familiar eyes and an inclination to speak what Minato doesn't want to admit reminds him too much of another figure missing in his life.</p><p>The whole thing needless to say leaves him painfully warm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	36 Degrees

**Author's Note:**

> I've always loved this pairing and Persona 3 in particular, but I never actually brought myself to try writing for it until the recent movies because hoo boy that was so much more intimate than what couldn't be fit into the games. 
> 
> Oh and I suppose spoilers for the ending of Persona 3? But I mean, if you're looking up Ryoji I'd assume you're very close to the end or know what's coming.
> 
> NOTICE: I went back and edited the ending because it felt very rushed and frankly I was just unhappy with it. There are ~500 new words and for those reading just for that if you ctrl + f 'The days grow' from there down is the new bit!

Ryoji was someone Minato felt like he’d known all his life since the moment he met him. There was an air about him that forced the apathetic male to relax and the way his pale blue eyes could look through his own steel grey gave the impression they were old friends. It was twisted really; that sense of comfort only brought unbridled fear into Minato’s heart, but Ryoji would simply smile and do as he pleased.

He insisted they were friends. That they’d be friends, but what he failed to see was how they were more than that the second they met.

Minato tried to ignore cheesy notions of soulmates or things along those lines, but there were moments where it felt like Ryoji was just another extension of himself; whether from the relentless following or the way he so easily fit in Minato’s mind, it was the closest term that fit. Perhaps what made it easy was his reluctance to label whatever they had as a friendship, let alone any sort of relationship that held romantic meaning.

He at times wondered whether the other actually did see it. If Ryoji’s insistence on being a constant in Minato’s life and claim that he’d make him accept his offer of friendship was just a considerate gesture to ease the discomfort their confusing relationship gave Minato. He was always doing small things like that and as angry as he tried to seem about it, the gestures were always so thoughtful that it just made it all the more frightening. 

Because more than anyone, Ryoji could see clearly how alone Minato felt, but perhaps, more so how alone he forced himself to be. Others took his attitude to be that of someone who was stuck up. The impressions shifted between someone who acted arrogant, to someone who was just cold and unfeeling.

He had been used to that treatment and for a while struggled to label anyone else as a friend because of the way they misread him. Calling the people he had just met friends had never been something he intended to do anyway. In fact, if he hadn’t been put in a life or death situation with them, he wondered if he ever would have developed such feelings toward them in the first place.

Junpei had tried at first before even becoming a member of S.E.E.S and eventually wormed his way into being friends, except when he broke Minato’s personal space physically or emotionally, it hadn’t shifted him in the same way. It hadn’t felt so painfully, comfortingly warm the way it did with Ryoji. The others at time gave him a feeling similar to this one, but no one had done it so quickly after just meeting, nor left him feeling it as strongly. The only other who made him feel similarly was Aigis.

But he couldn’t consider those people his friends anymore. They were acquaintances, classmates, dorm mates…

Comrades. Anything and everything that wasn’t  _friends_.

Friends were important. Friends were something worth fighting for. People you could laugh, and smile and pass the time with. Friends were something worth dying for.

Minato had seen enough of death. Seen enough of friends crying over each other at the realization that they were alive because someone they loved put themselves in the way of a bullet.

He’d had enough of fighting over who the blame fell on. A tiny voice would whisper how it was all his fault, but even if he was supposed to be the leader what good did it do? Because in the end it didn’t matter did it? They were dead and nothing could bring them back. Friends could die. Friends could leave.

As much as he shut off his heart to such things, the people he had once been able to label as friends were still around him; still passing the time, still smiling and laughing together. Any second could be their last and at any moment, it could be another slice to his fragile, frigid heart.

And yet… things remained so unbearably  _warm_.

-

“You should start wearing a scarf you know, it’s getting pretty cold out.”

Ryoji’s comment went unanswered as Minato continued about their ever-growing normal behavior of walking to the station together after a night of working at Chagall Café.

His breath turned to mist at every exhale and he couldn’t deny a scarf would likely make the chill more bearable, but in a way he was even struggling to feel that. The cold registered for sure, but in the same way a gash from a Shadow could feel like a pinprick if he was too dissociated for the pain to snap him back to reality. Technically, Ryoji was wearing even less in terms of layers, considering he tended to wear his sleeves flipped back, but Minato chose not to comment back about it.

Just how cold was it?

Before he could so much as attempt to answer his question via the internet on his phone, Ryoji’s signature scarf was being wrapped around his neck. It took several more moments to realize that Ryoji was still very much wrapped around it as well, but now pressed closer to his side as they walked.

“This should be fine until we get to your dorm right?”

Minato’s fingers touched the fabric and eventually he offered a small nod in response. He didn’t know where Ryoji was staying honestly. Their first encounter was at Iwatodai station, and with the mood he had been in and the hour being the last thing on his mind, thoughts about where the stranger he met may have been heading home never came up. The conversation had been focused on him and with Ryoji’s calm piercing stare it unnerved him at being understood so openly when it was rare anyone could read him.

Questions like ‘What kind of home did the other have?’ or ‘What did he do when he wasn’t following him and trying to get him into doing various things together?’ began to pop up more frequently.

These types of thoughts plagued him more than he’d like to admit these days.

Despite being a few centimeters shorter compared to Ryoji, the walk to the station wasn’t in the least bit awkward. Their current activity he’d been roped into—even if it was for his own benefit—was something Minato registered as a thing that couples typically did. Sure close friends may have done something like this, but even if Minato couldn’t determine precisely how cold it was, he doubted it was cold enough to warrant behavior like this. Not that any critique from society was something he worried about; no, what he was concerned about was how  _nice_ it all felt.

The station had few people around to begin with, the hour being an indication of its low car capacity and even lower overall conscious level. The inside of the train was heated, but they still shared the scarf, as Ryoji seemed insistent on bringing Minato home. He couldn’t understand it and admittedly was both afraid to and too tired to try. Compromising instead, he did as he normally would have done and popped headphones on.

The world became so much easier to comprehend when it was just a series of people, places and familiar tracks playing in the background. Without intending to, he found himself letting his eyes shut as he leaned against a too warm dress shirt that wasn’t his, content to close the world out completely.

As if routine, and honestly it was growing more frequent since its first occurrence, the taller of the two slipped Minato’s outside headphone off so as to use it for himself. He’d once asked Minato what he listened to and it was the sort of thing that was simpler enough to show than explain. Since then, he’d let it become habit to occasionally have a headphone stolen by Ryoji without question.

Ryoji would talk about anything and everything and admittedly, at times, especially in the beginning, Minato would block it out with headphones letting his words become a set of moving lips that he made little effort to read. As time went on, he’d either leave them off or make the effort of taking them off to hear what the newer transfer student had to say.

Conversations weren’t always even needed between the two of them. More often than not, Ryoji already knew exactly what he was thinking or about to say before he even said it. It allowed Minato to communicate in fewer words than usual resorting to just tugging his sleeve or his hand to get across what he wanted to say—sometimes even startling himself at the fact he was so comfortable doing it. The fact that out of any of the people he’d met in the past few months, that it was Ryoji he was willingly sharing space with and sharing his own private world with rang more alarms he didn’t know how to process.

But outwardly, it’d still just be treated as another attempt in trying to make Minato accept his friendship because deep down both of them didn’t need to admit the truth. It was scary for Minato to admit such a thing, and irritatingly warm and considerate Ryoji was nice enough to go on ignoring it for him under the pretense that he was still just trying to be ‘friends’.

-

There were fingers carding through his hair, but he was too dazed to pay it much mind.

_**Now entering Iwatodai Station. Now entering Iwatodai Station. Please be sure to take** _ _all personal belongings befor----_

Minato couldn’t tell if he'd dozed off or if he was still asleep. The knowledge he had to move was somewhere in the back of his mind thanks to the train announcer, but his body felt so heavy. There was a deep lethargy he’s always carried, but these days with the cold and distance he’s created everything felt so leaden.

The sudden lack of fingers petting his hair snapped him from his stupor enough to sit up properly. He didn't comment on it as Ryoji handed him back the headphone he snagged, and he continues to ignore it as they passed through the turnstiles. Normally, he’d ask why. With Ryoji, he was always asking why and with crooked smiles the other managed to be straightforward and yet completely baffling with his answers, but this type of question was too much.

Because this type of behavior was more than just being friends and that was a conversation Minato wasn’t ready to have. He didn’t feel ready to even consider Ryoji a friend at this point despite all the evidence to the contrary, let alone question if there was something more.

“Did something happen? You’re much quieter than usual. Or rather… less responsive,” He asked aloud continuing on, as if he didn't already have a solid guess. Honestly, there were too many things to consider as to why Minato’s current mood was so sour. Yet, despite the reason being indistinguishable to even himself, Ryoji still somehow, probably knew better. He often did.

“Ooh, or maybe you’re still mad at how I tried to set you up with those cute girls that came in. A double date would have been fun, but I got their numbers anyway so maybe another time.”

Minato’s expression hardly shifted, though there was a twitch of annoyance at the memory, not that it showed itself on his face. With their proximity, the brief tense in his shoulders would have clued Ryoji in, but he was purposely suggesting nonsense instead of what he's really thinking.

“Or maybe…you’re just having a really bad day, huh?” He smiled and though it’s only noticeable from the corner of Minato’s eye, it’s the sort of wistful smile he gives before he pierces through the shell Minato’s worked so hard to maintain.

“If you keep saying no or walking away without a word, it’s going to worry people,” Ryoji began not really looking at Minato, but giving him a side glance before continuing on.

“It’s not good to suddenly give people the cold shoulder or say such worrying things like that without any explanation. Especially if they’re your friends.”

Fear and apathy made him shut everyone out so often nowadays it hardly bothered him. The way they’d look at him seeking some sort of expression or explanation that maybe in the past he could have formulated, just bothered him more than it typically did today. Saying no when he wanted to say yes sometimes hurt more than he wanted to admit. Having friends, being with them, allowing himself to be called a friend; they were all things he decided were no longer necessary if he wanted others and himself to avoid being miserable.

“We’re not friends,” Minato tried to reply neutrally. It came out and sounded perfectly indifferent, but he’s in the presence of someone who can read it deeper and he knows he needs to elaborate.

“We shouldn’t be friends,” He tacked on quieter than he intended, not that his voice ever grew particularly loud to begin with. Ryoji did nothing but smile, and though many times it looks faked or simply empty, he laughed as he responded.

“Well which is it then?”

“Are you friends or are you not?”

Minato let the question sit as they take synchronized steps down the pavement. He was afraid to answer it and in a way, he knew too that this is more than just about how he feels about his dorm mates. Ryoji was asking about himself too. The unspoken last question of where did his previous assertion that he didn’t need friends go was hovering, but Ryoji chose not to ask it.

The answer made him tired. It made him scared and weak and want to sleep. It’s all shoved under a thick layer of ice and dazed consciousness, but it doesn’t stop it from existing nonetheless.

“Is it really better to be alone?”

Ryoji left the question as one not necessarily forced upon him, but almost as if Ryoji himself is wondering the answer. His feet stopped and all Minato can do is unconsciously mirror the other’s movements, proffering more silence rather than any sort of answer. The dorm loomed above both of them, and there was a part of Minato unwilling to unwrap himself from Ryoji’s scarf.

His fingers were already unwinding it though, and he looked just as regretful as Minato felt.

“Well, see you tomorrow. That is if Aigis even lets me say good morning to you,” He laughed again, leaving puffs of mist before he folded his scarf back around his neck and headed in the opposite direction of the station.

Minato still hadn’t thought to ask where he actually lives, nor had he managed to answer any of his questions. His silence wasn’t strange as sometimes he responded, but Ryoji was used to talking for the both of them.

He spent the rest of the night trying to distract himself with Fuuka’s request as opposed to the other events of his brief time in the lobby. Minato may not be able to call them his friends anymore, but a part of him continued to worry and care for them against his will. The way Junpei cared about that girl who was their enemy and had tried to hurt him would only lead to pain. Any relationship of any kind would, but the odds for that one were particularly high.

The sting of how Junpei reacted to his warning felt unfamiliar and even if he reasoned that it shouldn't have been there, it hurt anyway. Fuuka’s words were scary to focus on too as all that pain she felt was over a friend as well.

It only reminded him of the ever-empty bedroom he spent more and more of his time in when at the dorm. Pharos wouldn’t be visiting him anymore and a small part of him had feared he had just been using Ryoji’s too similar eyes and way of speaking as a replacement. They even felt like the same person sometimes.

Normally, he could fall asleep easily, but as he lay in bed that night once all the prior conversations stopped shifting back and forth, all he could focus on was how he did and didn’t want to ask about Ryoji’s fingers in his hair. Minato couldn’t deny that if it were possible, he’d like that sort of comfort right now.

-

The days leading up to the class trip had Minato’s heart in a flurry because questions he wants to avoid kept rearing their head. No matter how much he pushed, Ryoji remained by his side. Even after the incident with Fuuka where he finally seems to grasp what it was Minato had been trying to explain, it just somehow made the other all the more insistent.

In a way, it made Minato less opposed too, but he wouldn’t say as much out loud or even to himself. The more he looked the more he saw Pharos in the taller male and the worse he felt for it. Ryoji’s presence was something that on the surface he was constantly pushing away. Everyone else seemed to understand he wanted space and had--for the most part--been giving it, but Ryoji understands and understands even the things he doesn’t say or express very well.

Ryoji understands that for all the affection Minato pushes himself away from it’s something he unconsciously leans towards with every unintentional touch and unguarded response he makes with the newer transfer student.

It was rare they weren’t next to each other and even when Minato walked off on his own, it wasn’t long before Ryoji was looking for him or trailing behind him. He found himself expecting his presence, even doing the same and following Ryoji when he walked off without intending to. That same air from when they first met was drawing him in without his wanting and it was something he was having more trouble ignoring.

Mainly because the few times that Ryoji wasn’t by his side felt wrong. When he arrived at the dorm and Ryoji wasn’t next to him talking or reacting to something that had happened it felt disturbing. Even if it were Minato walking away on his own or being rude, a tiny part of him couldn’t help but whisper that it’d hurt worse if Ryoji left or was gone. It was too late for him to deny anything. He’d continue to do so out loud, but to himself he couldn't anymore.

The interactions influenced him with the people he found himself wanting to call friends too. There were instances he found himself smiling more, talking more. He still ended up spending most of his time with Ryoji before the trip, but he didn’t lock himself away all the time when he got back home anymore.

The trip itself made him have to interact more, but he didn’t find it as scary or unpleasant as he may have a week or so prior. Aigis had tried to put herself between Minato and Ryoji on multiple occasions, but it wasn’t possible in every instance.

In a way, he valued how protective she was, but in another, he was also a little on edge because of it. He feared Aigis would disappear someday too, and even if she had assured him, part of him was upset that she could only see Ryoji has a threat. Try as he might, that label of different and special applied to this new transfer student similar to when he first met Aigis and felt inexplicable close to her. It felt so much worse with Ryoji though for reasons he himself couldn’t explain. The more time he spent with Ryoji, the more it felt not close enough. The warmth from their interactions left him content, but he wanted more.

Minato’s face burned at the memory of sharing Ryoji’s scarf and what it was like to be pressed up next to him. He felt so at peace when by his side, but even more so when they touched. Ryoji would grab his hand to pull Minato where he wanted to go and as much as he’d protest, that too was almost unbearably warm. He found himself reaching out to hold his hand or at the very most touch him and as he came to accept these notions of friendship he’d denied himself, the feeling only grew. If he could just grasp his hand or lean into him, the assurance he was real and alive and present soaked in that much easier.

When they stood next to each other even amongst a group of those he was desperate to label as friends, he wanted to reach out and take Ryoji’s hand for no reason other than just to feel safe and warm. They had on the bus and Ryoji thankfully accepted the gesture without interrogation.

It was fear holding Minato back and he knew it, but the moment he considered letting someone get close, a reminder would show up as to why it’d be a poor idea. One such reminder at the beginning of their trip happened to be Mitsuru whom he couldn’t deny he was worried for, but it was something he still had no way of expressing.

That made Yukari’s explanation that Ryoji had been looking for him all the more painful when the realization he could just disappear or die like Mitsuru’s father did sunk in too. Instead of the familiar shove he tried to give towards any friendly feelings for Ryoji, he found himself almost aching to see him all the more. The irrational fear that he  _could_ be dead suddenly made itself available and it gripped his heart until he had those warm, far too warm, blue eyes on his.

Even as Aigis tried to insert herself between them, seeing that familiar smiling face laughing at some presumably terrible joke Junpei told only made his skin heat up and heart beat faster from something more than just panic.

-

There was no dark hour here and yet Minato found his eyes opening as if expecting the world to be a mix of greens, yellows and pools of blood. Mitsuru had hypothesized as much would happen considering the distance between Tatsumi Port Island and Kyoto, but the habit to prepare himself for it was still ingrained.

Ryoji and Junpei were still asleep and the world was a normal color; it should have been enough to put him back to sleep, but the typical ease he had with sleeping seemed to not be working.

Still he was thankful for a normal night, and even more thankful that he wouldn’t have to see Ryoji in a coffin. Aigis had been banned—not that she had really been allowed in to begin with—from their room after the accident involving the balcony, but part of him was still surprised not to see her peeking in through the windows.

He’d never felt that out of breath from laughing. Even as a child, he can’t remember having ever laughed like that. Before the incidents over the past couple months, he had been able to find himself smiling and at times quietly chuckling over the antics of his dorm mates, but never to that degree.

Quietly, Minato slipped out of his futon taking maybe a few seconds to consider he shouldn’t be out this late before deciding he didn’t care. The balcony was still broken and he needed fresh air.

Opening himself up emotionally, even if it was just allowing himself to laugh at a ridiculous moment in his life with these people he was starting to call friends again, was something that in hindsight only left him afraid to think. 

It was chillier than he remembered outside, but the days had steadily been dropping in temperature with the oncoming winter. The moon only served as another reminder that time steadily was moving, as he had been tracking when it was full for so long. It’d be another full moon soon, but they had no reason to worry anymore from the sounds of it. The whole thing was strange, but something about full moons had always made him feel uneasy.

He didn’t come outside to think about those sorts of things though. Truthfully, he didn’t want to think of anything. In an effort to remain quiet, he had neglected to bring his music player out. Junpei never tended to wake that easily, but he had no idea of Ryoji’s sleeping habits.

Honestly, he’d never seen him sleep until now. His personality seemed like the type that suggested he might doze off in class once or twice at least, but it’d never happened. The idea of being caught watching him sleep was a tad mortifying both due to what it suggested and, also because he doubted he could talk his way out of it if asked. Ryoji would just give him that knowing smile and they’d continue on, but he still struggled to admit those sorts of things to himself.

“You’ll catch a cold if you stay out too long.”

Minato shifted his gaze towards the voice a little surprised to see the person he’d been thinking of. The staff had said the same thing when they saw him and were assured he didn’t need anything but fresh air. He doesn’t offer any words of reply, but as per usual he doesn’t have to.

“You didn’t wake me up, I just noticed you were gone,” Ryoji explained moving to stand next to him and gaze out at where they all had fallen the night prior. There’s a lot Minato felt he should say. Or there are more hints and contradictions he knew he’d been making, but admitting any of it still felt so difficult. Even Ryoji who is normally talkative or willing to speak for both of them appeared to be waiting, or remaining patient for some kind of revelation to occur.

He’s happier than he’s been for the past few months, but that lingering fear that anything could make it end at any second still hovered above. If he told Ryoji he thought of him as a friend, would that ethereal happiness be enough? If he went further than that, and told him the actual truth, would it make it that much harder when it inevitably fell apart?

Minato’s unbearably afraid. The fear has made him numb and cold and distant for such a long time that when it starts to thaw again, he's gripped with indecision when left alone too long.

When he’s numb he can make snap decisions so easily. It’s life or death. It’d do or don’t. It’s win or lose. When he thinks too much, cares too much, he becomes paralyzed.

So Ryoji’s patience is a blessing and a curse. He loves him all the more for understanding he needs time, but he hates that he is making him be the one to decide still. He’s so sick of making decisions. He’s so tired of hesitating too though.

Ryoji’s hand gripped his and it startled him out of his thoughts even if it wasn’t visibly noticeable. The silence continued to stretch, but that single reassurance, meant enough to calm his nerves.

It was almost like he could hear his voice even though he never said anything.

_‘I’m here.’_

_‘I’ve always been here.’_

He’s never felt so transparent, but it was an intimacy between them he cherished.

-

Minato dreams of butterflies and yellow moons. The Fall is near, but as he watches the butterflies fly closer to the moon, he feels more hollow than afraid.

He’s the last one to wake as their class is getting ready to leave and he can’t help feeling like this is really the end.

-

Death, people had told him, was cold. Touching a dead body was always equated to touching ice, but as he’d come to learn Death was blissfully, overbearingly warm. Death could bite the chill of winter and leave you yearning for more. Death was a burning embrace. Death… was the one he had so desperately tried to keep safe.

Ryoji was Nyx and there was nothing he could do about it.

That wasn’t completely true though. The brief and surprising anger that flared at Ryoji’s offer to kill him just to avoid knowing of the fate none of the S.E.E.S members could avoid still lingered, but it was slowly ebbing to despair. He gave them time to decide, but the way he made the choice sound easy or better made Minato feel more than he was used to. He knew it was guilt; knew it was just a helplessness that came from someone who was always too honest, but considerate with his words. It was the sort of gesture made by the kind of warm person Ryoji was, which made it all the more painful.

He really would be disappearing.

Ryoji begged him to kill him if anything, to at least let oblivion come with a pain-free ignorance, but that didn’t really change anything. The information that Ryoji was Death would be gone, but Ryoji himself would be too.

Minato didn’t want that. Somehow that kind of fate sounded worse than the one he had to grapple and come to terms with. Because more than anything, losing the memory of Ryoji and him as a person was far more painful than just losing him. Hadn’t he tried so hard to tell him that even if people leave the bonds you share don’t vanish?

He wanted to beg him not to leave. Junpei and Fuuka did call out to him, but Minato’s body refused to move. Words or actions simply stopped happening. Time itself slowed until it stopped completely. The only thing that jarred his reality was Fuuka confirming that she could no longer sense his existence.

It was if he had completely vanished until the time he said he’d return.

The person he had grown to love most was someone who would be disappearing from his life. Ryoji, Pharos, Death, Thanatos, eventually…Nyx, the names kept going, but all of them felt so wrong the further the list went on. The fact Pharos wasn’t waiting for him in his room despite not having shown up for weeks remained shocking to him. It made even less sense because he knew why now, but none of the thoughts were connecting.

The fact Ryoji wasn’t there instead hurt beyond measure.

He could explain now how close their bond felt only at a moment’s meeting, but it brought him no solace. How is it that Ryoji could go from worrying about exams with Junpei to discussing the death of humanity in just twenty-four hours? It wasn’t fair in the slightest, and it made Minato numb. He didn’t know what to feel and he didn’t know what to do.

Blame and panic shifted wildly all around the dorm, and once more it just felt like he’d been shoved under a thick sheet of ice and indecision.

It was and wasn’t his fault. It was because it was true he was a part of everything at least in this small way, but it was also true because he wasn’t going to grant them the ignorance maybe some of them wanted. He couldn’t kill Ryoji. He refused to.

Even if he tried to scare him or convince him, Minato felt assured at least in that decision.

-

The days grow even colder as they wait and he finds himself drifting over and over towards the broken bridge. He sees that night in his dreams over and over again, but when he wakes to a familiar green sky, there is no Phraos standing there cryptically, yet warmly greeting him. There’s no Ryoji pestering him about what people were seeking their help next or what kinds of customers they’ll get working at the café.

Minato simply feels empty as the grey sky stares back at him almost blindingly so with how hard the snow is falling. There were all kinds of signs that where he was he wasn’t supposed to be, but he can’t think of any of that.

The white haze of the snow masks the water as it’s just sheets of ice in the day, but he still remembers how thick and inviting the red pools of the Dark hour were. He considers what it takes to do what they have to and he’s so tired.

There is no winning this battle. Yet, they _have_ to win it.

_‘You won’t remember anything.’_

He steps closer to the edge and he isn’t sure why.

_‘The coming of the Fall will be instantaneous… and you will not suffer.’_

Fall, fall, his body _wants_ to fall. He doesn’t want to kill Ryoji, but if he did. If he did, what would it look like? What would blissful ignorance of the end look like?

What would the end look like?

His head pounds as images filter in, and the noise distorts as the wind of the storm howls in his ears. He’s one step from the edge and it takes everything he has to stumble back as a new track blasts over the snow and his mind blocking out the impulses festering within him.

As Minato enters the train to return to the dorm, he distantly notes that it was Ryoji’s favorite song.

-

Minato isn’t sure how many of his days lately are filled with him sitting on the edge of his bed with nothing but the streetlights and moon pouring in his room. The urge to get up and turn on the lights never comes and there’s a compulsion to sit there listening to music with the faint hope that Ryoji will appear. That even if there’s a silent counter above their heads that he’ll at least visit enough to say or do something.

It’s painful when he doesn’t and it’s unsurprising the one time he does. Ryoji’s silent as a ghost when he finally appears and wordlessly takes a seat next to Minato.

It was only upon seeing him one more time and feeling his presence so close once more that he felt that damning heat just enough to chill the misery he’d been feeling.

This is the last time they’ll ever truly talk and this is the last chance he’ll have to see Ryoji in this form. Minato’s just thankful Ryoji leaned forward enough to kiss him without needing him to ask.

-

Each second the waves of despair wash over him only remind him of who is partially inside the being he’s fighting. Each time, a remaining warmth surges. The connections he’s finally gotten to make, the people who’ve been by his side the entire time, the one who’s here even now with him; they’re all a part of this fight and so even as he feels tired down to his bones, it keeps him going.

Each second of hesitation Ryoji spares in this form is enough to give him the advantage, but it’s enough. Everything was worth it just to see this moment where all his friends were gathered alive and real. There are those he couldn’t save, but the fact he managed to at least do something right is enough.

Even lying in Aigis’ lap as the world slowly blurs and becomes a blue that is melting into black, he feels warm and safe.

-

He dreams of butterflies and yellow scarves.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this sometime around when subtitles came out for the third movie, and recently just decided to finish it after watching the fourth movie. It is very late here and I am kind of rusty when it comes to writing something so I apologize if there are more typos than usual. I've been in a bad rut lately so I'm just trying to push myself to write and post even if it's not my best or perfect just so I at least am still trying. This is also a style I don't use very often, but am quite fond of so! I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> Also, I recently noticed a consistency error as Mitsuru confirms in game the dark hour can happen anywhere during a recent playthrough so please ignore that/suspend your disbelief,,, I wrote this extremely spread out and a while after I had last played so I forgot.


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